Tuesday, January 7, 2014

LoveLee Adoptee: #3 My Biological Dad Part 1

My Life in  Korea.

My dad was 35 when he died. My mother left me and my two sisters with relatives and close friends for about 2 years after we cremated my biological father.  Three things have been told to me when I was little on how my dad died. Gambling debt, heart attack or his army station was bombed/or an accident happened while he was serving in the army.  IT could have been all three into one. I was probably 4 or 5 when I was told this, and this memory has been stuck to me ever since for 27-25 years.

#1 Memory of Dad
I remember my dad in bits and pieces. One memory was before he died, I remembered that I rarely saw him and when I did. He wore a white surgical mask when he was outside. An image that I remember was when he was walking toward me with a mask on in slow motion. I thought to myself that he was a hero. That's what I think of the most, when I think of him.

When you are little, your perception on reality is not so clear, its just something you might remember. The things I wrote here may be the truth or a dream that replays in my mind like a thought that never fades and the adult you chooses it to be something real and/or indeed that happened.

Do any of you older adoptees feel the same way?  Now that I am nearly 32, I don't think of my biological dad unless something happens to me and make me think of the dad i once had/knew.

#2 Memory of Dad
One time, My dad wasn't around for a while. Whenever he was around we (my sister and I) would ask him , if we could have frogs for pets. My mom wouldn't let us have them. But one day, he showed up with a small aquarium tank full of little frogs, I was so very happy. I remember having feelings of great joy that day. If I had to paint a picture for you, It would be me standing next to my dad, while he was hovering over the tank. There would be other neighborhood kids looking at the frogs and telling me that "I'm so lucky". There would be little red heart floating around me too.

I rarely think of those now...but like i said, if something makes me think of him...those images and memory would be the first thing that pops into my head.

to be continued...



3 comments:

  1. Aww baby girl, this broke my heart! I have a special place in my heart for orphans and neglected children. In fact, we are in process of adopting. I have so much respect and love for you, now more than ever! Its beautiful that you still think of your dad, hope it brings you joy when you do think of him, and I know hes smiling down at you whenever he sees you happy!
    Best wishes to you my darling! You are one of my favorite bloggers because you stand out, you are full of life and humor and I love that about you!
    BIG hugs and kisses,
    Yuli
    yuliconversations.blogspot.com

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  2. aww reading this made me so sad. You are really brave for going through this and it has made you a better person in the end. I know what it's like to be missing a parent and it's painful. I try to block it away and just live my life, but there are times where a memory just hits you. I know however, that your dad loves you and that he is proud of you. Stay strong and I just love your honesty! =)

    http://www.mybrokeneggshells.com

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  3. My dad was around...then not...then around...then not. I have very few memories of him too before he died. What's weird is I remember more about him when I was a little kid then when I was grown (I was there when he died and still couldn't tell you all the details of it).

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